What can I say about the time since my book came out? About this whole year, really.
It’s been a whirlwind, at times, and a slog at others. It’s been relentless and ephemeral and exhausting and everything I wanted it to be and none of it at the same time.
My book came out in May. It’s strange to realise a dream you’ve been chasing since childhood. I still forget sometimes, that I’ve written a book and it’s a real thing that you can hold in your hands, that people can buy, that they read.
I got my first sales report a couple of weeks ago. I cried, but happy tears. My little book was never going to be a bestseller, but people have bought it, enough of them that I actually earned some royalties. I surpassed the targets I set for myself, the ones that meant I could call this book a success. It has a life of its own that I’m quietly proud of.
I’m all the more appreciative of this, because it started slowly. The book came out and I lost myself for a while, struggling with dark moods and exhaustion. I still feel that way sometimes: writing and submitting, and the rejections that go with it, can be unrelenting. It’s good to take break sometimes.
The one thing I have missed is reading. This year I haven’t managed as much as I usually would and that’s a source of sadness. My brain is just too tired and clogged up with work and writing to focus much and time is tight. But the holidays aren’t too far away now and I hope for a chance to enjoy some of the books I’ve picked up this year (I might not have been reading much, but that hasn’t stopped me endlessly buying new books).
Events
One of my favourite things about being an author is having the chance to do events. I surprised myself with this one, because I’ve never been one to put myself too far forward, but I’ve discovered a side of myself that loves to chat and read aloud and quietly flounce around like a ‘proper’ author.
It took me a while to get used to the public speaking though. At first I would get nervous beforehand, like a job interview. But it’s become easier and I can carry off a talk without the preparation I needed at first.
Speaking makes me feel like a real author. I might not always sell books when I do an event and I certainly don’t get paid. But it’s worth it for the conversations and the feeling it brings. Like I’m actually doing this.
A few of the events I’ve done…
Solo talks at local libraries
Book signings at independent bookshops
My lovely, amazing book launch
The Riff Raff Social in Brixton – northern girl in London
Readings and chat for writer groups and reader groups
Bookshop day x2
Shared talks and panel discussions with other authors
Weardale Wordfest
Writing
While I was in the midst of launching The Disappeared, my writing did suffer. I abandoned the novel I’d been working on and focused everything on my debut, on getting it out into the world. But it’s here, it can stand on its own without me and recently I’ve been working again on my next book. It feels exciting and it feels right. Like I’ve grown and my writing has taken on a different shape that I’ve enjoyed exploring.
Learning
I didn’t choose the easiest route to publication. Crowdfunding a book is fucking hard, but publishing one is too. It’s a dream, but one that constantly unveils itself with more hurdles for you to clamber over along the way. I’ve kept my head down this year and I’ve worked, hard. But sometimes I look up and feel a little thrill of pride at where I am and just how far I’ve come. I’ve been lucky to have this opportunity and I’ve learned so much, from the process, from my editors and from the wonderful people I’ve met along the way, the booksellers and the writers and the people on social media.
Thank you for reading.
P.S. Here’s the link to a place you can buy my book, if you haven’t yet, you really should!